Lil Man’s Operation

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Nothing can humble a parent more than when they require an operation.  Although it was considered “minor” the powerless feeling was so overwhelming when they wheeled him out of the room in a steel crib that resembled an animal cage.

The newest hospital improvement is now a random number attached to the patient’s name.  The waiting room has a huge monitor to watch and track the patient’s whereabouts.  It’s a lot like the airport monitors where one searches through to look for their flight number.  He stared at me with his great big eyes and it took everything I had to not breakdown and cry.

The whole hospital visit took about 5 hours.

It took about 3 days for the pain to finally subside and his appetite has finally come back.  I’ve been awake on 24hour on-call nurse duties so, I’m happy that he’s back to his   sleep schedule.

Now that my son is healing, I’ve  been able to film and edit so you will be seeing much more of the video projects I’ve been working on as well as my radio show shenanigans.

Click the links to see my recent and previous videos:

StilettoSupermom Channel
#WhatIsLifeVlogs:
#WhatIsLifeVlogs S1V1: Operation Day

Much love to you all and thanks again for all your support during my son’s hospital stay.   Take care! 🙂

SS

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Life with Supermom: An Appointment Story

I dutifully took my son to his follow-up bone specialist appointment.  He broke his collarbone a month ago and I had to come back to X-ray his clavicle.  My appointment was at 10:25am and I didn’t get home until 1:30pm!

I showed up at my appointment time, “checked-in”, waited for them to call my number, which was 2 hours.  We had the X-ray done, although my little man screamed the whole time because he was scared of the X-ray machine.  We had to wait another hour to see the doctor.  When we finally saw someone, they showed me his X-ray results and it looked like it was healing properly.  It took about 5 minutes for her to tell me what was happening and that they didn’t need to see him again unless he was complaining about pain.

Before we actually saw the doctor, my lil pterodactyl decides to poop.  Lucky for me, there was a washroom nearby, UNLUCKY for me they didn’t have a change table in it.  So, I grabbed a chair and took it into the bathroom and tried to maneuver my awkward diaper change chair.  The diaper was changed successfully and a lady after me thanked me because she needed to change her baby, too.  All in all it worked out for my fellow Momma and me.

Now my beef is that the wait was ridiculous!  The huge waiting room was packed full of people, which I suspect they had double booked us all.  Keeping my 2 year old entertained with my iPad mini was a challenge because all he wanted to do was walk around.

It wasn’t one of my favourite times in my life, but I’m happy to be finished with those appointments.  Whew!

Much love to all! 🙂

SS

Social Media… Off The Grid

A Story of Logging off for 24 hours.

I’m not sure what prompted this self-experimentation, but I decided to see if I could turn my phone off for 24 hours. No texts, no notifications, no emails…no social media.
I began my experiment at 10am on a Wednesday morning. The weather looked gloomy and it had just finished raining. I stared at my phone, reached my index finger to its “Off” button and watched the screen fade to black. I automatically thought about safe places to keep my phone, then I’d get nervous thinking I’d forget where I put it. I thought my purse could be a safe place, but then I worried if it would fall out of my bag. I settled for my first option…my bedroom end table. I sat back down and looked at my laptop clock… 10:25am

I closed my end table drawer and said my silent goodbye to my phone and all its invisible people trapped inside. I sipped my coffee as I watched some YouTube videos, then I switched to watching a movie. I did find myself looking around for it and catching myself go into a SLIGHT panic. However, I managed to hold it together and continue focusing on the end of the movie.  12:19pm

I decided to do some work, which lead me into thinking that all my notes were sadly trapped in my phone.  I stopped working and decided to put my energies towards making some changes to my studio layout given my upcoming projects. Hmm… 1:33pm

I fell asleep  1:45pm

I opened my eyes to read – 4:46pm – Yes, I reached for my phone.

I decided to venture outside, it was a little windy, but the sun was shining and the sky was blue. I sat outside with my dog, as the sun burned my eyeballs.. I forgot to get my sunglasses.  I was all squinty as the sun made my head hot, I was starting to perspire. Once a huge wasp whizzed passed my face, I called it quits and went back inside. I proceeded to eat dinner, in silence. 7:22pm

I decided to record myself in an audio log about my experiment. I found myself talking about redesigning my studio, again, just with a gang of crickets chiming in the background.  I deleted the recording.  8:13pm

I continued my evening by watching a documentary about how women murderers can be just as psychotic as men murderers. A doctor characterized them by the brutality of the murders they committed and their general social behaviour. It was interesting. 9:55pm

Tomorrow, I have several errands to do so this should be a challenge. I will have to get through my morning and begin my errands at the bank and will not be able to use my phone until 10am. I have been dreading this. 11:26pm

The notifications on my phone keep going off and I keep reaching for it…sigh… 1:43am

I woke up yesterday feeling like I forgot something, then realized I was just missing my phone…I almost cried… 9:08am

I held my phone and watched the clock until it turned to 10:00am

Overall, it was a fun little self experiment… that I will NEVER try again… I mean, I can totally live without my cellphone, I would just really rather not! 😀

SS

Compact Studio and Platform Shoes

I had a productive day and I’m exhausted. The appointment was tedious, but necessary and I was glad to be out as fast as I could. I was finishing up some final prep work for the show tomorrow. It’s officially my birthday and I honestly couldn’t be happier. I have a workload I can handle and I love what I do.

I bought a new microphone and so far I’m really impressed! The first test I did, I had the window down in the car as I recorded some ramblings and it caught every word, crisp and clear.

My studio set up is so easy and it’s portable. I will be able to bring everything I need in a tote sized bag. Now that I’ve pinpointed a date, city, and what we are going to do, the Texas trip is going forward. I can’t wait to let loose and have some fun.

I’m going to sink into my blanket, watch the seasons of Three’s Company until I pass out and dream of what bellbottoms look best with my platform shoes. 😉

Sweet dreams

SS

I’m over it.

It’s not that being around you makes me feel like I’m walking on eggshells,
It’s not that your cruelty has left me resentful and bitter
It’s not that your coldness has left me feeling lonely
It’s not that you’ve belittled me with the filthy names you call me
It’s not that you have tried to isolate me from everyone that I love
It’s not that you spat on me and made me feel like I was nothing
It’s not that you choked me until I lost my breath
It’s not that you embarrass me in front of everyone I love
It’s your insecurities and issues of abandon that leave me feeling sick
I hope one day someone will make you happy because I’m just so over you.

She Didn’t Need Much

It was a beautiful day in her downtown apartment, the sun shined brightly through the heavy drapes and she smiles in hopes of a wonderful day. She is alone in her bed as he had left for work early. She stretches and inhales the morning with an obnoxious yawn. She giggles to herself as she fixes and straightens the bed. For a final stretch she walks slowly, almost dragging her feet, to her wardrobe closet.

As she surveys her options, pushing through each hanger, she puts her finger to her lips and tilts her head sideways. She was growing tired of her clothes, but she knew they couldn’t afford some of the things she had wanted. She didn’t need much anyway, she would say to herself as she shrugged off the thought of even wanting more. She opted for a red knitted v-neck sweater and a dark blue pair of jeans that were starting to fade at the seams. She sifted through her lingerie drawer, pushing underwear to the sides haphazardly as she frowned at the disapproval each pair, mentally sorting them by comfort. Rolling her eyes she found a pair of practical cotton underwear and bra whose colour was a dingy off-white grey from mistakenly washing with her darks. She sighs at the sad looking undergarments, but continues to collect her robe and towel and proceeds to the bathroom.

She runs the water until it gets hot as she takes her pyjama shirt and underwear off in a graceful sweep. She stares at herself in the mirror. She can see her age in her reflection, she smiles turning from left to right positioning herself to see each side of her body. She is content with what she sees and is comfortable with what the years have done. She isn’t perfect and she never aspired to be anything but herself.

Noticing the steam from the water rise behind her in the mirror. She quickly spins around and neutralizes the water temperature, tapping the rushing water with her fingertips. She reaches for her brush on the counter and quickly detangles her split ended hair. With every knot that got trapped in her brush, it was a reminder that she hadn’t been to the hair salon in over two months. She, again, shrugged the thought away and stepped into the tub letting the water run down her body, in hopes that the water would also wash away her thoughts.

After she’d showered and finished applying her minimal makeup, she noticed her cellphone was blinking that she had missed a text. Surprised, she quickly grabbed it. He had texted her that his day would be a long one and wished her a great day. Her eyebrows furrowed as she bit her lip in concern and texted back that she wished him a great day, too. She felt a little deflated by his text, but continued to collect her keys, coat and shoes and proceeded to do some much needed grocery shopping.

She had stopped by her best friend’s house, after her shopping, they had lunch and they laughed and chatted about their plans and dreams. She was lucky to have found a friend that had very similar aspirations. Occasionally, she would look at her friend’s clothes, observing how she wore her success. Money wasn’t an issue for her friend, but for her, the worn seamed jeans and old red sweater she was wearing suddenly made her feel frumpy and a tad ashamed. Being so in-tune with her, her friend lovingly smiled at her and told her how beautiful she was. Her friend always knew what and when to say those perfect things, her eyes clouded. She tried to discreetly wipe away her tears, thinking how stupid she was for crying, then she turned back towards her friend, who never took her eyes off of her. They smiled at each other continuing their chat and finishing their lunch, with laughter.

Looking down at her phone, she sadly excused herself out of her friend’s house, thanking her for an always fun time and promised to call her after dinner. She felt energized and happy as she readied herself in her seat for her drive back to her downtown apartment.

She knew she was running a bit late, she tended to lose track of time whenever she was with her friend. It was already late afternoon and she still had some laundry to put away and dinner to make. She began mentally listing all the things she had to do, biting her lip with angst. Her phone started to buzz. Gripping the wheel staring at the road, she tried to reach for it. Sadly, it was just out of her grasp and she opted to let it sit as she was already pulling into her apartment’s underground parking.

When she finally pulled into her assigned space she sighed as she removed her key out of the ignition and unbuckled her seatbelt. She grabs her phone and reads that he would be home in an hour and she smiled replying that she was excited to see him. With that, she tossed her phone in her bag and grabbed her groceries from the trunk and proceeded to the elevator. She quickened her pace remembering her mental list of things to do.

When she entered her apartment she saw her unfolded clothes piled on the bed and her living room was disheveled. She instantly sprung into clean mode and rushed herself putting the groceries away then she folded and put her laundry away. Tying her hair back in ponytail, quickly, left a piece of her bangs dangling on one side of her face. She blew the strands away as she rushed to the kitchen to start dinner.

She kind of had a master skill level for cooking and she relished as she added fresh herbs and vegetables to her meal. She smiled to herself as the aromas traveled throughout the apartment. She carefully and lovingly sliced each vegetable and piece of meat into her perception of perfection. As she stirred and mixed, she would smile to herself remembering bits of her conversation with her friend earlier. She gave her fresh salad a light toss adding her red wine vinegarette dressing and shreds of cheddar cheese. She started humming her favourite song as she arranged her meal into large serving platters, then she set the table for two and smiled proudly at her creations.

Checking the time she decided to freshen up her face and untie her hair while she waited for him to get home. She was full of anticipation for his return and couldn’t wait to see his face again. She couldn’t wait to tell him what she had bought and the meals she wanted to make, as well as tell him about her visit with her friend. She smiled as she brushed her hair and added some lipgloss to her dry lips. Just as she was doing her last checks in the mirror she heard him enter the door.

They called out their greetings to each other and he called out how he could smell her cooking in the hallway and couldn’t get in the door fast enough. She met him by the dining room table and he kissed her telling her how everything looked great. She gave her biggest smile back at him but he turned away quickly and said he had to wash up first because he had too much grease on his hands. Her smile turned to a grin and she fidgeted wringing her fingers and hands within themselves. She felt a bit of a strain in his voice and with no eye contact, she knew he had a hard day at the garage. When she heard him start the shower she sat down in her chair biting her lip watching their dinner grow cold with every minute, right before her eyes.

They sat down to eat and her eyes lit up as she talked about her day and the wonderful meals she had planned for the week. He listened quietly as he ate his food only letting out the occasional grunt of agreement. He doesn’t look at her just at his food and she could feel her excitement fleeting away. She asked about his day, mustering up as much happiness and interest as she could. He shoves a full fork of food into his mouth and between profanities tells her how he hated his boss and his coworkers. She had heard this before and felt helpless to take his stress away. Her interjections were of encouragement and that she thought he was an amazing mechanic and could open up his own shop. He gulped down a swig of water as he raised his eyebrows, replying that he was just a worker anyway. They continued the rest of the meal in silence and when she offered to warm the food up again, but he brushed it off saying that it was fine.

After clearing the dinner plates and loading the dishwasher, she mentioned that she had bought some ice-cream and offered to bring him some. He declined as he laid on the couch covering his eyes with his hand. Her eyes shifted around the living room, searching for some kind of distraction. She asked if he was ok and he gave no answer.

Suddenly, her cellphone called her from her bag and she instantly knew it was her friend. She took her phone into their bedroom talking loudly and excitedly. Her friend had met a great man and they proceeded to talk about her friend’s date and the fact that he had a brother. She giggled with her friend saying there’s no way she would double date with her and they laughed. After an hour long conversation they said their goodbyes and she smiled as she plugged her cellphone into it’s charging wire.

She stood up and headed towards the living room to see how he was doing. She was surprised to see him standing in the hallway close to their bedroom door. She smiled and asked how he was, but her smile slowly faded as he stood quietly in the hallway looking towards the floor. She frowned asking him if he was ok she started thinking if she had cooked the food correctly, then worried that he may not be feeling well. She asked a second time if he was ok, this time her question was met with his glaring eyes at her. Her eyes grew big and her heart started racing she asked again what was wrong. He glared at her and with gritting teeth asked her if she was cheating on him. Stunned by the reply she asked him what he was talking about. Her confusion in her mind raced with her heart. She could see his shoulders starting to tense and she quickly told him she didn’t know what he was talking about. He proceeded to say through his gritted teeth that he heard the whole conversation and he already knew the truth. She exclaimed that the conversation had nothing to do with her. He stepped towards her, she turns her head away from him as he yelled into her face that he had heard every word.

Within a moment of her looking back at him, he had wrapped his strong hands around her neck and lifted her off the ground. Her eyes grew big as she desperately tried to loosen his grip with her hands. She stretched her neck out trying to gasp for air. She looked toward the ceiling as it moved above her, he was taking her towards the living room. She tried desperately to reach her feet to the ground feeling his grip tighter around her throat. She blinked and blinked as her vision started to fade, feeling her back hit her couch. He was now on top of her squeezing tighter, she felt her body grow limp as her vision went from red to black. He released her and she melted to the floor. She coughed and desperately tried to take in air. She was disoriented and she tried to right her vision, not knowing where he was. She heard his loud heavy footsteps coming back towards her and right when her vision gained focus, her eyes were met with the blade of the shiny chef’s knife she had so lovingly cut the ingredients for his meal with. His eyes were cold and his face was flushed and he held the tip of the blade to her face. He angrily growled that he would not let her make him look like a fool. She turned her head away and closed her eyes as pressed his knife into her throat.

She didn’t feel pain in her final moments, she saw light as bright as the sun, she saw herself in brand new clothes, her body was flawless and her hair was perfectly cut and styled… and… she was humming happily as she prepared his meal.

Dancing On Blades

You’ve formed friendships with the evil ones
And you dance in the Devil’s facade

I wish you well in your endeavours
But get out before it gets hot

I cannot sway you to do the right thing
For that’s not what I am to do

I can only watch you self destruct
I cry hoping you’ll make it through

I hope you stop dancing on blades
And stop listening to the evil one’s lies

Remember who you are, my friend
Don’t let your true self hide.

The Story of “Us”

I wasn’t looking for you
But it was love at first sight
I brushed it off though
There was sunshine and light

I said “I do” it was the happiest time
Then we slipped off our dance shoes
But things were not fine

You hit me that night
I was heartbroken and shocked
I stayed with you still
I cried a lot

After years of abuse
Endless days of torment
I remained loyal
I was your friend

Your wandering hands
Landed a different pain
You crushed my spirit
That’s been hard to regain

In this final chapter
Of our crazy life
You choked out my voice
And made me choose..with a knife..

You have changed me forever
For bad and for good
I do not hate you
Though I wish that I could

But I must move on
And walk away from “us”
I must learn how to love
I must learn how to trust

I will always care
I will always be your friend
But it is now time for “me”
And for the “us” to end.

Good bye.

You can’t come back from that.

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Sometimes, life will give you small hints along the way that you aren’t where you are supposed to be; but then, something changes things and you can never come back from it. Relationships are organic, they move, they change, shift and morph into a completely new set of dynamics that one can’t ignore.  Sometimes one must simply walk away.

As I start my new journey of travel, site seeing and food experience, I tread slowly, slight caution, but full of excitement. I have dedicated the rest of my good years to myself and my happiness. Gone are the days where I was told, as a woman, I cannot be selfish. When the universe is calling for you to change you have no choice but to abide. With happiness as the prize, I am grabbing the future with two hands. I have made my travel plans and am going to start ironing out the fine details. I’m excited about life and what lies ahead…

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