I found it important for me to clean out my mental and emotional state. Sorting through my relationships and really finding out the true meaning to each one.
My children are all home for the 2 week Christmas Vacation. Instead of the anxiousness I had felt every other year before this one, I feel very at peace and calm about this next transition. Maybe it’s because I’m finally resigning to the fact that drastic changes need to be made. Although it hurts like hell, it is necessary. Some people have a certain need to push people away to test whether they will still accept them. It’s been hard for me to constantly be reassuring and with the odds against me time is not a luxury I have. Creating that buffer that fear of getting too close seems to only create more distance mentally and emotionally with me now. I used to have so much patience for other people around me but now, I am just tired. I’m drained with all the schedules and fake smiles, it’s time to get a move on these plans and create the life I have always dreamed.