Wondering wandering wishing and waiting

Who would have thought it would all happen so quickly and so smoothly.  As the New Year of 2014 approaches…2013 suddenly disappears into thin air.  My heart feels ready, my soul feels confident and my mind feels sure.  I feel at peace letting go of a lot of patterned behaviours and loving someone through their issues.  In the end, I’m just worn out and I only have this last shred of strength left.  The more I follow what I’m believing in, the better I’ve been feeling.

 I haven’t just been running around in circles, I have been setting my base and making it secure.  Deciding where to begin feels so much better than feeling lost.

 I am grateful to have found my voice and I wish everyone peace of mind and restful sleep.

 Until the New Year…Cheers!

First Radio Session

I had the most hilarious time with my co-host on our first radio live radio show. We were a little drunk…well…more like a LOT drunk. We had a couple technical difficulties but we are working with it as we go. I made some great intro music but couldn’t upload it. I think it will be fine after a few more properly set up sessions. What I did learn is that I’m on the path that I need to be. It’s amazing that once I finally put myself out there, things fall into place.

So, it looks like my first major stop will be spent in Texas! I can’t wait we are going to have the best time!

The Story of “Us”

I wasn’t looking for you
But it was love at first sight
I brushed it off though
There was sunshine and light

I said “I do” it was the happiest time
Then we slipped off our dance shoes
But things were not fine

You hit me that night
I was heartbroken and shocked
I stayed with you still
I cried a lot

After years of abuse
Endless days of torment
I remained loyal
I was your friend

Your wandering hands
Landed a different pain
You crushed my spirit
That’s been hard to regain

In this final chapter
Of our crazy life
You choked out my voice
And made me choose..with a knife..

You have changed me forever
For bad and for good
I do not hate you
Though I wish that I could

But I must move on
And walk away from “us”
I must learn how to love
I must learn how to trust

I will always care
I will always be your friend
But it is now time for “me”
And for the “us” to end.

Good bye.

On the train to somewhere…

On the train to somewhere…

He takes a sip from his whiskey glass and she can see that he is troubled.  The things he’s seen the things he did, her heart grows heavy for his state of mind yet her eyes soften as they outline the curves of his jaw.  She smiles and admires his green eyes when he blinks.  Flecks of blonde kiss the tips of his lashes.  She sighs with sorrow for him, rubbing his back she kisses his cheek.  He grabs her knee tightly and presses his head to her shoulder.  Her long hair brushes the back of his neck.  They don’t speak.

He begins to grip her knee, she feels his internal pain as she watches his fingertips slowly turn pale, although his strong hand hurts her, she doesn’t care because all she wants is to be there for him.  She gently places her warm hand on his and at her very touch, he closes his eyes and exhales.  He loosens his grip and he straightens up… as the man fills his glass with more whiskey.

He smiles at her although she can still sense he is troubled, he takes a gulp of his drink.  He feels the need to let her into his world, so he points to the window as they pass landmarks and he explains the history of his land.  She watches him talk, with his strong and confident voice, she lights up every time his eyes meet hers.  She holds his hand in hers feeling comfort in his presence and presses her breasts onto his arm.  He looks down at her chest, then takes another swig of his drink sucking his teeth as the whiskey goes down.  She feels that he is watching and she smiles because she loves it, she feels wanted, desired and warm.

She runs her fingers through her hair and he catches a glimpse of her neck, he licks his lips with desire.  She looks up at him and melts in the warmth of his eyes.  He presses his fingers onto her warm inner thigh and she agreeably lifts up her skirt a little.  They can feel the passengers watching and hear whispers of their displeasure, but they dismiss their disapproval and the world melts away as they look deeply into each other.  Her heart beats faster and she starts to grow flushed.  He wraps her hair around her ear and whispers, “Let’s go.”

Without hesitation she holds his hand tightly and follows his lead scrambling to keep up with his pace as they pass each corridor. When they reach the third corridor, he brilliantly scans the car and grins to discover it is empty.  He swings her around with her back up against the wall, the thud masked by a bump on the tracks.  They kiss deeply, breathing heavily, her knees begin to weaken and all reality blurs around them.  He rips her low cut sweater down, then peels her bra away revealing her soft nipple.  He presses his tongue on her breast and she moans digging her nails into the back of his neck; she pulls him closer as his hand rubs up between her legs.  He pulls her thongs to the side and presses his fingers inside her.  She bites her bottom lip and tightly squeezes her eyes shut trying to control herself.  He feels her warm wetness and smiles as she exhales a moan from his touch.  He turns her around to face the wall and she pulls her skirt up with compliance, she places her hands up on the wall and closes her eyes as she hears him undo his buckle.  He pulls her thong down letting it drop to the floor and they moan together as he enters her, he grasps her hips tightly, slamming himself deep inside her.  The train tries to sway them off balance as it moves through its path, he grunts at the challenge and breathes deep as he secures his stance.  He runs his hand up the small of her back and thrusts into her as she firmly holds her position.  He reaches for the nape of her neck, letting her dark hair lace between his fingers, he closes his fist tight.  She smiles with pain and pleasure, he smiles back at her and he thrusts harder into her…deeper…harder…until… they release together.  He collapses resting his head on her back to catch his breath.

He regains his composure as he slowly kneels down to retrieve her thong on the floor.  As he stands up he locks his eyes onto hers, he smiles devilishly as he puts her thong in his pocket.  She giggles and shakes her head then they straighten themselves up.  She nods at him that she is ready and he brings her in close to him wrapping his arms around her, he kisses her softly.  He smiles at her lovingly and she feels relief seeing his tension subside, even if for only a moment.

Although she is still flushed he admires her glow, then leads them back to their assigned car.  They quicken their pace as they grin with amusement, the passengers look on with concern.  They locate their seats and she dreamily curls up beside him closing her eyes as he kisses her forehead.  He strokes her cheek softly as she falls into bliss…then the man fills his glass with more whiskey.

~For Mo Anam Cara

When All Things Turned Black

Through the shadows of my life, I was afraid to look at mirrors,

Afraid to see what I have become

I gave my heart to many, my soul to a few

And now my mind belongs to no one.

My untamed spirit screams to be free,

my heart longs to feel the warmth of true love

When all things turned black, as I closed my sad eyes

I received a message from above

“This is not the end, you aren’t going out like this,

This is just a reminder to go find your bliss”

The one I long for, the one I desire, the one that will never leave

The one I forgot has been here all along, that beautiful person is me.

Working? Who ME?! Yes, it’s true…


It’s amazing how things fall into place exactly when I was ready to throw in the towel.  Luckily, I smacked myself in the head and made the moves I needed to!

In these parts, the ice storm hit hard and people were left without power and heat, if that’s not a kick in the ass to appreciate what I have, I don’t know what is!  I feel so sorry for the people that are going without right now and I was more than happy to brighten someone’s day when they were going through a lot.  This Christmas will be one of new beginnings and a better outlook on life.


Now, let’s discuss this lovely little restriction…

Luckily for me, all my fave things came travel sized, but I still need shampoo and conditioner.  With an unknown return date this will be very interesting, when I run out of these items.  My goal was to travel as lightly as possible, but… that will be a first for me.  As long as I have my Mac gadgets it should make for an amazing journey.

I will be vlogging my journey as part of a larger project in the making so things are coming together faster than I dreamed.  Although what I really want is still miles away, I know that the journey has already begun…

Travel Plans and Budgets to rearrange.

I found it important for me to clean out my mental and emotional state.  Sorting through my relationships and really finding out the true meaning to each one.

My children are all home for the 2 week Christmas Vacation.  Instead of the anxiousness I had felt every other year before this one, I feel very at peace and calm about this next transition.  Maybe it’s because I’m finally resigning to the fact that drastic changes need to be made.  Although it hurts like hell, it is necessary.  Some people have a certain need to push people away to test whether they will still accept them.  It’s been hard for me to constantly be reassuring and with the odds against me time is not a luxury I have. Creating that buffer that fear of getting too close seems to only create more distance mentally and emotionally with me now.  I used to have so much patience for other people around me but now, I am just tired.  I’m drained with all the schedules and fake smiles, it’s time to get a move on these plans and create the life I have always dreamed.

You can’t come back from that.


Sometimes, life will give you small hints along the way that you aren’t where you are supposed to be; but then, something changes things and you can never come back from it. Relationships are organic, they move, they change, shift and morph into a completely new set of dynamics that one can’t ignore.  Sometimes one must simply walk away.

As I start my new journey of travel, site seeing and food experience, I tread slowly, slight caution, but full of excitement. I have dedicated the rest of my good years to myself and my happiness. Gone are the days where I was told, as a woman, I cannot be selfish. When the universe is calling for you to change you have no choice but to abide. With happiness as the prize, I am grabbing the future with two hands. I have made my travel plans and am going to start ironing out the fine details. I’m excited about life and what lies ahead…

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